Doofenshmirtz's Birthday
by Gyaradosmaster
Summary: Well the title should be self-explanatory. We all know that Doofenshmirtz doesn't like his birthdays. However this birthday turns out to be the worst of them all and it doesn't look like Perry will visit him today. How will Heinz ever survive this day? Written for Dan Povenmire's birthday!


As some people probably know…today is Dan Povenmire's birthday! As such I wrote this in the honor of this great man that brought us this fantastic show! …That sounded lot less corny in my head. The point is, this Fanfic is for Dan Povenmire…even though he himself probably won't read this. Anyway I don't own Phineas and Ferb and I hope you enjoy!

….

Heinz stood up from his bed without a sound. To be honest he didn't want to wake up. Not on this day. This day was the only day when he wished that he could just stay in the bed the entire day. However he still had to get up since he knew that his nemesis would be coming later. He looked at the calendar that was sitting on his night desk and he sighed. It was his birthday.

''Here it goes again…The worst day ever.'' Heinz said to himself as he put on his slippers. He looked at the clock that was next to the calendar and he was little surprised when he saw it. It was already 10:45. He knew that this would mean that his fight with Perry would be delayed a little, but that didn't really bother him that much. He was going to get his butt kicked anyway so he rather has it happen later than sooner.

''Well I guess I should go and get breakfast.'' Heinz said and left his room. As soon as he left the room, he smelled the aroma of something very delicious. The aroma clearly came from the kitchen and when he walked in, he saw Norm looking at the oven with a bigger than usual smile on his face.

''Good morning dad. I made you a happy birthday cake!'' Norm said as he opened the oven and took the cake from it. Strangely he was wearing oven mittens, despite there being no reason for him to do because he's a robot. Heinz on the other hand sat on the table and sighed.

''First, what's so good about this morning? Two, I'm still not your father. Three, I don't want a happy birthday cake! And four…actually I think that was all.'' Heinz said as he slumped in the chair. He really wasn't feeling like putting up with Norm's cheeriness this morning.

''But this cake is fresh from the oven.'' Norm said as he tried to hand the cake to Heinz. On the cake read, 'Happy Birthday' and it had been written with bright pink frosting. Heinz looked at the cake and the cake tray for a moment before slamming it down on the floor. ''I think the cake is a lot tastier on the plate than on the floor.'' Norm said. He felt slightly sad that Heinz had just dropped the cake but he wasn't going to let that show.

''Whatever. I wasn't feeling like eating anyway.'' Heinz said as he held his right hand in pain. Slamming a hot cake tray wasn't exactly the smartest thing to do since now he was sure that he couldn't use his right hand in a while. Luckily he was ambidextrous so he had no problem using his left hand for basic things, but he was used to using his right hand. ''I'll just start thinking of the day's scheme…Maybe I can make up for lost time by skipping breakfast.'' Heinz said and left the kitchen. Norm stayed behind to clean what was left of the cake and he then put it into refrigerator just in case Heinz would want to eat it later.

''Argh…why can't I think of anything?'' Heinz said annoyed as he grabbed his hair in annoyance. For some reason he couldn't come up with any ideas of how to take over the Tri-State Area today. He couldn't even come up with an idea of petty revenge and he always gets ideas of petty revenge. Not to mention that the only childhood tragedy he could think about was how his parents didn't show up at his birth and Perry already knew about that.

''How about you build me that Popsicle wife now?'' Norm suggested hopefully. Heinz still hasn't built it for him despite his promises. Unfortunately he wasn't feeling like doing it now.

''Maybe later.'' Heinz answered back flatly. It was silent for couple seconds until Heinz's laptop beeped. Heinz looked at his laptop excited, but his excitement died down when he noticed that he was getting a video call…from Rodney. ''Well this day keeps getting better and better.'' Heinz said sarcastically as he accepted the call. He wasn't feeling like talking to Rodney, but if this concerned L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. then he had to take the call. ''Hello Rodney. What do you want?'' Heinz asked dryly.

''I just called you to wish you happy birthday pal.'' Rodney said, but Heinz just stared back blankly. He knew that that wasn't the reason for his call. ''Well actually I called you to brag about my newest -Izer. I would tell you what it is, but I know that you would just steal it, turn the name into a -Inator and claim that it's yours.'' Rodney said with a smirk, but Heinz's face remained unchanged. Rodney was another person he didn't want to deal with on this day. Rodney on the other hand was rather disappointed that Heinz hadn't continued their usual banter.

''What's wrong? Cat's got your tongue?'' Rodney asked sarcastically. Heinz was about to say something, but Norm beat him to it.

''My dad doesn't really like his birthday.'' Norm said cheerily, apparently having recovered from his disappointment of not getting his Popsicle stick wife today. ''However he usually cheers up when Perry comes.'' Norm said and that caused Heinz to send him an angry glare.

''That's enough Norm!'' Heinz yelled angrily. However he knew that it was already too late to yell that since Rodney had heard what Norm had said.

''Really now? Why would seeing your nemesis make you happy?'' Rodney asked amused. Heinz crossed his arms annoyed, half of him wanting to end this conversation already, but he would never let Rodney have the last word.

''Of course not! I hate that little killjoy!'' Heinz almost yelled at the screen. Deep inside he knew that he was lying, but he wasn't going to let Rodney know that.

''No you don't. Even yesterday you talked about how much fun you and Perry had when…'' Norm said, but Heinz angrily cut him off.

''Shut up Norm! I won't have you reveal that I enjoy Perry the Platypus's company, that I feel lonely when he doesn't come to foil me and that he's practically my best friend!'' Heinz yelled angrily. It took him couple seconds to realize that he had just said all that out loud and that Rodney had heard all of that. Heinz turned towards Rodney, who instead of looking amused looked quite angry.

''Best friend? We can't have evil scientists being close friends with agents. That would bring our entire reputation down. I think our next L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. meeting should be about getting you fired.'' Rodney said. He had always known that Heinz was a disgrace, but he hadn't thought that he would be this level of a disgrace.

''No, wait! I hate…'' Heinz tried to protest, but Rodney had cut the connection already. He stared at the screen blankly for couple seconds. Had he just gotten fired…from an organization he himself had founded? To be honest, it hurt him more than he had expected. L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. was after all filled with evil scientists so their presences made him feel…home at times. Even though Rodney was annoying he was still one of the rare people he can have an actual conversation with about his 'job'.

''Are you okay, dad?'' Norm asked carefully. He wasn't used to seeing Heinz be so quiet for long periods of time.

''Just…just fine. I mean…it's not like I care that I got myself fired from the L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N.'' Heinz lied. He was sure that Norm didn't notice that he was lying and he was glad that he didn't. Heinz sighed and stood up from the chair. ''I'll try to come up with a plan now, so don't bother me!'' Heinz yelled as he left the room and slammed the door after him.

Couple minutes after that, he surprisingly heard the doorbell ring. He hadn't expected someone to visit him today so he was little confused. He walked to the front door and to his pleasure it was Vanessa on the other side of the door.

''Vanessa. What are you doing here?'' Heinz asked happily. For the moment he was able to forget that it was the worst day ever. Vanessa had never visited him if it wasn't his weekend so seeing her here today made him really happy. ''Wait…are you here to give me a birthday present?'' Heinz asked excited, but to his displeasure Vanessa shook her head.

''I just realized that I had forgotten my headphones here.'' Vanessa answered flatly and entered the apartment. To be honest she wouldn't have even remembered that it was her father's birthday if it wasn't for her mother. Heinz closed the door after her, disappointed about her reason of visiting him.

''Okay…but once you find them maybe we can…'' Heinz started to say, but he was unfortunately cut off by Vanessa's cell phone that started to ring. Heinz couldn't recognize the ringtone, but it was definitely punk music. Heinz frowned a little since he wanted Vanessa to listen music that was little…brighter. Like Love Händel for example. Once Vanessa answered the call, he could see her face light up a little.

''Hey Johnny.'' Vanessa said with a small smile. Heinz relaxed a little when he heard who was on the other end. Johnny had been Vanessa's boyfriend for a while now so he had gotten used to him already…little. He still couldn't help, but be overprotective at times. Vanessa was his little girl after all. ''Okay Johnny. I see you later.'' Vanessa said and hung up. Heinz had completely missed the conversation and since this was Johnny they were talking about, he wanted to know what they were talking about.

''So…what did Johnny want?'' Heinz asked curiously. Vanessa didn't really want to answer the question, but she knew how persistent her father could be so she decided to answer anyway.

''Me and Johnny are going to movies later tonight and after that I spend a night at his house.'' Vanessa answered and then continued to look for her headphones. It took Heinz couple seconds to realize what Vanessa had said and once he finally got it…he wasn't happy.

''Wait…what? You're not spending a night at Johnny's house!'' Heinz said angrily. Vanessa let out a big sigh when she heard this. She knew that her father was going to react this way.

''Why not? He's my boyfriend after all.'' Vanessa said back.

''He might be your boyfriend, but he's still a teenage boy. Teenage boys can be very…unpredictable.'' Heinz said. Of course when he had been a teenager he hadn't gotten to do all the stuff other teenagers could. At least he didn't have to be a lawn gnome since he had gotten to be too big for that.

''What do you mean by unpredictable? You're not thinking that we would do…that!'' Vanessa yelled, enraged and little disgusted that her father would even think that. Heinz had to admit that that had been his first thought and to him it was completely justified thought.

''That isn't the point! You're not of the proper age to spend a night at boy's house!'' Heinz yelled, hoping that his daughter would get his point.

''I'm 16! I think that's a very proper age!'' Vanessa yelled back. Norm looked between the two little worried. He had never actually seen his father and 'sister' argue before and it didn't look too good.

''Well you're wrong! I'm not going to allow you to go to his house!

''You can't decide whether I go or not!''

''Of course I can! I'm your father and I'm doing this because it's the best for you!''

''Best for me?! Do you really think that separating me from my boyfriend is the best for me?!''

''It is and for the final time…you're not going to his house and there's no way you're changing my mind! Also if this continues then it's probably for the best if you two break up!'' Heinz yelled. He realized too late that he had sounded way too harsh there and that he had sounded angrier than ever. He looked at Vanessa who tried to look unfazed, but it was clear that he had hurt her feelings. ''Vanessa… I'm…''

''Save it dad! You know, there's one thing you can't stop me from doing.'' Vanessa said and walked back to the front door. Heinz looked at her worried, little afraid to hear what she was going to say. ''You can't stop me from saying that I hate you!'' Vanessa said and then stormed off from the apartment. This left Heinz standing there motionlessly for who knows how long.

''She…didn't really say that Norm. Tell me that she didn't say that.'' Heinz said, still not moving from his spot.

''I'm sorry dad…She did say that she hated you.'' Norm said sadly, which was very uncharacteristic for him. As soon as Norm had said that, Heinz slumped to the floor. He and Vanessa have had some arguments in the past, but she had never ever said that she hated him. Hearing her say something like that was one of the only things that could make him feel like his heart was breaking.

''I know Norm…I know.'' Heinz said and then did a hand motion to show that he needed to be alone. Norm understood and left Heinz alone on the floor. He hugged his knees and tried to think of happy thoughts, but he found himself unable to do so. Vanessa's words kept ringing in his head and he couldn't get them out from there. When he tried to think of something else, he could only think that it was his birthday, which automatically made him think of his parentless birth. Obviously that wasn't helping him to cheer up at all. Eventually small tears started to form in his eyes, but he wiped them out immediately.

''I can't cry now…Perry the Platypus will be here any minute.'' Heinz said to himself. He couldn't cry in front of his nemesis after all. He had to be professional. ''I just cry after he leaves.'' Heinz said and stood up to look at the clock. The clock was now 11:15 which confused Heinz a little. ''Wait…he should be here already. I wonder what happened.'' Heinz wondered little worried. Couple seconds later his cellphone started to ring and the song You Snuck Your Way Right into My Heart started to play. Heinz quickly answered his phone before Norm could hear his ringtone.

''Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz speaking.'' Heinz said as he answered. On the other end of the line was someone he hadn't expected to call him. ''Monobrow?! Why're you calling me?''

''Good that I reached you Heinz. Agent P is feeling sick today so we won't send him to foil you today. Luckily it seems that you haven't ordered anything from the internet lately so I presume that you don't have an evil plan ready.'' Monogram said and this piece of information both shocked and saddened Heinz.

''What do you mean Perry the Platypus isn't coming? He has to! So whatever if he's feeling sick. You send him to me when I was sick so it's a fair trade!'' Heinz said. Unfortunately he was completely unaware of how insensitive that actually sounded.

''Dr. Doofenshmirtz! I can't believe you would say something like that! Agent P is an animal! You're a grown man! There's a big difference! Besides Agent P's owners are worried sick about him and if he would leave they would get even more worried. Are you really that selfish?'' Monogram asked angrily. Heinz hadn't thought about the situation like that and immediately felt sorry.

''Oh I'm sorry…I-I didn't know. But maybe once he feels better he can come visit me.'' Heinz said hopefully.

''What part of feeling sick, you don't understand? Agent P won't come today and if you continue being so insensitive about his feelings he won't be coming tomorrow either!'' Monogram yelled to the phone and his tone made Heinz flinch a little. ''Or maybe he should get a new villain? Should we give him to someone who actually cares about his feelings?'' Monogram suggested. Heinz was so shocked about this that he didn't even bother to mention that nemeses weren't actually supposed to care about each other's feelings.

''What? You can't do that! I…I mean we are…you can't!'' Heinz stuttered. He really didn't want to lose Perry. He was his best friend.

''This conversation is over Heinz. If you keep this up, we'll give Perry to different scientist!'' Monogram said and cut the call off. For the second time today, Heinz stood motionless for couple seconds before realizing what had happened.

''He was probably kidding…he must've.'' Heinz said to himself, but from his previous encounters with Monogram he knew that he wasn't type to joke around…at least around him. He didn't know how he acted around agents. ''He wouldn't give Perry a new nemesis.'' Heinz convinced himself, but considering how badly this day has went so far…he couldn't help, but think that Monogram was indeed serious.

''Are you okay father?'' Norm asked concerned. Heinz didn't answer and instead kept thinking about his conversation with Monogram. Norm walked closer to him and prepared to pat him on the shoulder. ''Father? Do you want cake?'' Norm asked again and this time Heinz said something back. However it was something Norm didn't want to hear.

''Shut up you rusty piece of second-rate scrap! I'm not your father and I'll never be! Now go be useless somewhere else!'' Heinz yelled and when he turned towards Norm, he saw something he thought he would never see. Norm was actually frowning. His smiley face had turned upside down for the first time. ''Norm, I'm sorry that…'' Heinz started to say, but Norm walked away before he could apologize. The only one that was left to comfort him…he had hurt him.

''I knew this was going to be a bad day.''

,,,,

Later that day Perry was starting to regret his decision to stay home. It wasn't that he minded Phineas's and Ferb's caretaking, far from it actually. However he had completely forgotten that it was Heinz's birthday and he had only remembered it way after he had informed Monogram that he couldn't work today.

''Perry are you okay? You don't look so good.'' Phineas asked concerned. Perry hadn't noticed that he was looking serious so he quickly switched back to his mindless pet mode. ''Don't worry Perry. I'm sure that by tomorrow you'll be all right.'' Phineas said assuringly as he prepared himself for bed. It was almost time for boys to go to sleep. ''Too bad we had to delay our project today.''

Perry felt sorry once he heard that. Once his owners had discovered that he wasn't feeling well, they had abandoned their current project to take care of him. Even Isabella stayed for a long time to take care of him…though he wasn't sure did she do that out of worry for him or because she wanted to hang out with Phineas more. Perry didn't really mind which reason it was.

''Mom said that you shouldn't sleep on our beds tonight, so I hope you're comfortable in your old sleeping place. Well good night Perry.'' Phineas said as he closed his eyes and got into a comfortable position to sleep. Ferb gave Perry one last worried look before he went to sleep as well.

Perry waited couple minutes until he was sure that both boys were asleep. Lucky for him, Phineas and Ferb always fell asleep quickly so he could easily execute his mission. He had to visit Heinz no matter what! He knows how he gets on his birthdays and he knows that if he would visit him, Heinz would definitely get happier.

Unfortunately he couldn't take his hovercraft or any other of his vehicles because they were all at his lair and he couldn`t take the risk of cameras recording his actions. His only option was to go by foot…which wasn't very pleasant since it was raining outside. However he had to visit his nemesis. He didn't know why, but he felt that he needed to see Heinz.

,,,,,

_Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated_

The 20-minute walk to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated felt really exhausting to Perry. Not only did he feel sicker than when he left, he had also gotten completely drenched in rain and his feet hurt. He was really glad to have finally reached his destination. He went inside the building and obviously no one was in the main lobby. He took the elevator to get to get to Doof's floor.

During the elevator ride he thought about his reason to visit Doof. He honestly didn't know why he had that nagging feeling that told him that this visit was important. Unfortunately the elevator reached its destination before he could think about this situation more. In couple minutes he was in front of the door to Heinz's apartment. Considering the circumstances he decided to use keys this day and after couple more seconds he was inside the apartment.

First thing Perry noticed was that it was dark…really dark. Not a single light was on. At first he thought that lights were off because Heinz was asleep, but that theory quickly got broken when he saw a figure standing on the balcony. From the body shape it was obvious that it was his nemesis. However he couldn't understand why he was outside in this weather. With a sigh he walked to the balcony and was about to greet his nemesis when he suddenly heard him start talking.

''I wonder…how many people would miss me if I jumped off?'' Heinz asked, completely unaware that someone was listening to him. ''L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. members would jump from joy, Vanessa and Charlene most likely wouldn't, Monogram would party with L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. members, Norm technically isn't a person, but he can be rewired to get over it easily. Then there's Perry the Platypus…who will just get a new nemesis and he'll forget all about me.'' Heinz said and small tears started to form, though they were hard to distinguish from the rain.

Perry couldn't believe that this was what his nemesis was thinking about. He definitely couldn't believe that Heinz thought that he would just get over him easily. If Heinz actually jumped off then and there…he would quit O.W.C.A. for good. Deciding that he had heard enough, he let out his signature chattering noise to catch Heinz's attention. Heinz turned around alarmed and he got even more alarmed when he saw Perry standing there with a stern look on his face.

''Perry the Platypus! How unexpected…and this time I really mean it.'' Heinz said and then sighed sadly. He hadn't wanted Perry to see him like this. He was completely drenched because of the rain and he wasn't feeling like his normal, eccentric self. ''You…you heard what I just said didn't you?'' Heinz asked and Perry nodded to confirm his suspicions. Heinz sighed again and he started to rub his neck awkwardly. ''Sorry you had to hear that…I just had a really bad day.'' Heinz confessed and that was all he said for a while.

Perry knew that he couldn't comfort Heinz through words like he wanted to, but as they say, actions speak louder than words. Perry motioned for Heinz to kneel down on his level and Heinz did so, not bothering to ask why Perry wanted him to do this. As soon as Heinz was on Perry's level…Perry hugged him.

''Perry the Platypus…'' Heinz said surprised, but he didn't mind the hug at all. Actually it made him feel surprisingly good inside. After all the bad things that happened today…hug was something Heinz really needed. It honestly felt odd hugging someone so much smaller, but Perry didn't seem to mind. After a while the pair separated from each other, but Heinz still kept his hands on Perry's shoulders. Now that he was so close to Perry, he could see just how weak he actually looked.

''We should probably go inside…Perry.'' Heinz said and Perry quickly nodded. He wanted to get out from this rain as well. The two ran back inside and as soon as they were inside they stopped to catch their breath. ''Perry…Thank you for coming. You really saved my day.'' Heinz said and Perry chattered back happily. Couple seconds after that Perry suddenly took out a small card from his hat and he handed it to Heinz. Heinz looked at the card confused, but Perry just beckoned him to open it. Inside was a picture of him and Perry fighting with some text on the top of the picture.

''Happy birthday, world's best nemesis.'' Heinz read from the card and soon, for the third time today, tears appeared in his eyes. However these were tears of joy. Heinz looked at Perry with a smile who gave a thumbs up back. ''Thank you again Perry. You're the world's best nemesis as well.'' Heinz said and then motioned towards the kitchen. ''I've some cake in the fridge, do you want some?''

…...

Okay…I got this done surprisingly quickly. I hope I didn't rush too much since I really wanted to get this done on Dan Povenmire's birthday and I started writing this Fanfic little late. So I apologize if the story felt rushed.

Anyway, I once again wish Happy Birthday to Dan Povenmire and I hope that he's doing well. Thank you for bringing us such an awesome show and we'll hope that it'll last for a long time! You know…it feels awkward writing this since I know that Dan won't actually read this…

Well anyway…Review if you liked, review if you didn't like!


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